About Me

Hi, I’m Maria!

Anyone who knows me can tell you I am a determined person with loads of grit, and don’t give up on myself. I am also real, laid back, funny, honest, brave, always curious, thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic and can find the fun in whatever I am doing. I love the absurdly hilarious and can make an adventure even in the mundane. The road that got me here had twists, turns and unexpected detours galore. I also wouldn’t trade it because it made me who I am; and in turn made me a badass therapist.

Every single change I made throughout my life and career, I made FOR me, BY me and I kept going until it worked out. When I get asked, “Why does it always work out for you? What’s the secret?” It’s both an easy and hard answer: I don’t give up on myself. I might not have realized it at certain times when I was stuck in absolute darkness barely able see the ember of light. I had a force within that kept me moving forward, even if I was crawling on all fours. I’ve always had a deep resilience that kept me going, no matter the stakes, pain, or when I fell flat on my face. I got back up. EVERY. TIME. It didn’t matter how how long it took me as long as I trusted myself to keep going, even if I didn’t have the answers or how messy it felt. I had to trust myself to know that I’d figure it out, no matter how long it took me to get there. If it didn’t feel like it worked out then it meant that I hadn't gotten to where I needed to be yet. Sometimes, I'd say that to myself, “I’m not there…YET. And that’s ok. Keep going.” The payoff was always worth the risk. I embodied this perseverance in both my personal and professional life. I’m still going, because there is always more to learn, more chances to take to help me step into a better version of myself. It’s what gives me the expertise needed to do the work I do with clients.

None of us escape childhood without a few battle wounds.

I grew up in a narcissistic family with addiction issues. Cue the perfectionism, people pleasing, co dependency, and not knowing what a boundary was; even it showed up and knocked on the door. Add in hyper independence, heightened responsibility and believing I didn’t have value; it set the stage for all future relationships and how I perceived myself. I was the queen of gaslighting myself. “They didn’t mean it.” “It wasn’t that bad.” It’s amazing what we will tell ourselves to remain shackled to a system that erodes the core of who we are, all to fit in. “It’s not them, It’s me. I’m bad.”

None of us escape childhood without a few battle wounds. Many times they are invisible consisting of emotional and psychological manipulation, neglect and steady invalidation. There was a dichotomy to my childhood. I can look back in fondness, appreciation and gratitude for the things my parents provided. Yet there was an insidious undercurrent that was nuanced and difficult to see unless you looked beyond the surface. People saw the “perfect family” my parents craved for themselves, feeding their own attachment wounds. Behind closed doors, it was different. The rules in the family were secrets, silence, denial. “Don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t think.” I didn’t understand what I was experiencing when I was going through it. All I knew was love hurt and it must be my fault. I was a “bad daughter,” no matter how hard I tried. I didn't have agency over myself and there was a strong sense of entitlement towards me. My brain was highjacked; I had no sense of self. The extreme methods of control used left me feeling confused and worthless. I was a kid; All I knew was that I loved them even when it hurt. I became hyper vigilant to the emotional climate in the house. It was my responsibility to manage emotions and make it better.

Hiding my pain while I smiled.

Growing up, I didn’t have the language to understand what I was experiencing. It was generational trauma I was unknowingly witnessing and experiencing. There was self-imposed pressure to ease their pain and to carry their burdens. My parents had their own inner child pain and it came out in different ways; sometimes cruel, often immature. Instead of being able to talk about problems and get to the truth for resolve, it was more of a ‘pretend the problem never happened’ and sweep it under the rug situation. Avoidance and denial were key to the narcissistic family principles. The dynamic in the family system created patterns of protection rather than patterns of connection. We might have looked like a close knit family. The reality was we were codependent, self-protecting in our own ways, while clinging to each other with attachment wounds and injuries. The narcissistic abuse took up so much space it inhibited genuine emotional safety and connection. Alcohol addiction fueled the flames of the experience making it hard to trust. “If I could just be more perfect, maybe my dad will stop drinking.” My developing brain didn’t understand it wasn’t about me. I wanted to make it better for everyone, at my own expense. It was extraordinary pressure I put upon myself. I tried even harder, hid my pain, and did it all with a smile that was expected of me.

Childhood trauma results in a pattern of seeking out difficult people to love us.

If you ask a child growing up to choose between attachment or authenticity, they will always choose attachment to fit in and feel loved. It’s key to our survival to feel some kind of attachment to our parents/caregivers. I did whatever I could to have connection. If I wasn't allowed to have emotional needs, then being needed was the next best thing. I learned to shut down all the parts of me that were shamed and not celebrated; my authentic parts that made me, ME. In turn, I was constantly proving my worth to be loved. I performed to get their validation. I became the emotional container in the family, absorbing all of the pain and trying to make it better for everyone. My experiences growing up were damaging to my psyche. My vulnerability was weaponized against me; I learned to hide it to survive. This impacted relationships I found myself in and the negative beliefs I had about myself. For years, I’d find myself in similar patterns playing out the unresolved traumas I had with my parents. For adults with childhood trauma, it’s about getting a difficult person to love us. It becomes a quest in adulthood we seek out. It could be with a boss, friend, partner; the pattern continually plays out. We gravitate towards what we know subconsciously, wanting to have that need met from when we were a child. I was primed as a child to believe love hurt and I had to earn it; even if it was for measly stale breadcrumbs. I repeated this pattern not understanding what it was about or even aware of why I found myself in the same pattern on repeat. Who I was didn’t matter, it was how I was needed that mattered.

The bravest thing I did for myself.

My therapy journey was comical, grief filled and ultimately liberating. I had a real fear that somehow, even as an adult, my parents would hear the words I said out loud, miles away in a therapy room. I couldn’t share the family secrets, that went against the rules ingrained in me. If I had a voice, what would that mean and how would things change? The fucked up loyalty was profound, “If I admitted to the things that weren’t right, then what did that say about me? Was I a bad person for talking about these things in therapy? Did it make me ungrateful? What the hell is a boundary? I can’t do boundaries!” I feared judgement and it took a long time to begin to trust that a therapist wasn’t going to weaponize my words against me. Usually by the third session, I’d be told, “Maria, I think we need to talk more about your mom next time.” I’d bolt out of the room, my feet moving so fast they’d be sparking off the carpet, leaving a Maria shaped hole in the door, never to return.

It took a lot of starting, stopping and therapist hopping. I finally connected with a therapist who provided me what I needed. They laid the framework and allowed me to connect the different dots. I smartly chose therapists who let me stay in my head. I got to rationalize and didn’t have to feel. I thought I was winning at therapy. I don’t have to feel my shit! Except as time progressed, I still felt stuck. I had to make a change with therapy and find someone who could help me deal with my feelings that I wanted to avoid.

Enter: Trauma therapy. I connected with a Trauma therapist and that’s when it became life changing. A trauma therapist provides context and has the expertise to create a unique space to process, reprocess and feel emotions, connected to traumatic experiences. It’s about the mind and body connection. It was doing the actual emotional work that catapulted me into where I am today. It took a ton of courage to step into the arena to face my own experiences. It was both terrifying and thrilling to be on that journey. It was often a dance of one step forward and ten steps back, somehow always moving forward with twists, turns and leaps; my own personal ballet. It allowed me to become the best version of me, someone I liked spending time with and not afraid to be alone. It was the best investment I ever chose for myself. I put in the work. In turn, I discovered the real me, who was always there, gently waiting for me to connect with her. That’s a priceless gift no one can take from me. It was hard earned. It was the bravest thing I did in life for myself.

I knew what I knew, until I knew more.

I can tell you what therapy gave me. It helped me find my voice and to know I mattered. I was allowed to have needs, boundaries and to give love to the pain that lived inside me, desperate to be heard. I did a lot intensive trauma work to realize that little girl stuck inside me needed me to step up and be the person she needed back then in her life. She needed me to stop ignoring her, pushing her away; and instead learn to connect with her and meet her with compassionate curiosity. Therapy wasn’t easy. It was messy and hard AF. At the same time, it was fun, and filled with laughter while I learned how to step into my own power. It was a liberation of the self from psychological and emotional damage that dictated the unhealthy relationships and environments I tolerated. For me, that inner child was taught to tolerate love and learned love hurt; it greatly impacted what I thought I deserved. I used to believe in any relationship I experienced that, “I can handle this. I know this feeling, I’m supposed to be here. I can help them, even at my own expense because I’m strong. I can make them love me if I give more of me.” It felt familiar and the pattern was on repeat until I stepped into awareness of how I wanted to be treated to and to live. I knew what I knew, until I knew more.

During my own therapy and even afterwards, a lot of changes happened and were necessary for my own wellbeing. I worked extremely hard to be proud of the life I cultivated. I have compassion for myself when there used to be none. I KNOW I will always get to my outcome because that younger part deserves the loving adult I am to her. And for her to experience a life that exceeds everything she ever imagined beyond her wildest dreams.

Unwavering dedication and a powerful mindset for a great life.

It’s empowering to reflect back on my life when I had hard decisions to make and to realize what it all meant once I was on the other side of it. I chose myself in critical moments when I could have settled or given up. I learned to find the humor in life, which was a huge help when things felt they weren’t going in the direction I needed or felt stuck. I found stillness and learned to trust the timing in life. I developed the ability to adapt to change and learned the key was having a strong, flexible mentality that allowed me to pivot to keep going. With my mindset, I know that for every mistake or failure, it created more infinite possibilities that paved the way to where I am today. It’s this iron clad mindset and philosophy that I bring to my clients and show up ready to do the work with you. I am dedicated to each person I help, just as I am in my own life.

Office Manager: Bella

I love to share about my dog, Bella. She has a tail that doesn’t stop wagging and is one of the happiest dogs I have ever had the honor of knowing. She embodies joy and owns it. She has taught me so much about resiliency, boundaries and that it’s ok to be wildly authentic. She likes to show her face in sessions sometimes. We have adventures and misadventures, always ready to take a chance on something new to see where it takes us. Sometimes dogs really have an incredible way of showing us how to live in the present.